Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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