I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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