so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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