I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
