Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got inside last night via doggy door
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
