I wish my penis had an off switch
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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