under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
