So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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