Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk