I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.