there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.