no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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