just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
