I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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