and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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