I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
