And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
