This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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