census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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