i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
