Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so let's talk penis.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
