dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize