Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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