she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
