It's just like the Real World with babies
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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