So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
