Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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