I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
