Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
