Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
