Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
