oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
