You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
