i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
