I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
