Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
