y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
