apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My vagina is officially offended.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
