Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
