ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
