The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was CRYING into my vagina
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
