im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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