I'm so fucking centered right now
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
