Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All the doctor said was why
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
