she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
