I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
