Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
