For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize