i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
