Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
