I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
