You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
