the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want her autograph on my taint
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
