She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
