I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
