is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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