I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i've created a new STD.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
