"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
