Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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