when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize