bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
