I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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