You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
