All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
