You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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