the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
