I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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