I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
