Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
