Where did you get a picture of my penis
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
