oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How external is "for external use only"?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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