I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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