My room smells like vodka and shame
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Still dying that you shit outside
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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