it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can text with my tongue
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
whose parrot is this?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
