This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
