Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
