He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
