just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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