Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pants are for mortals
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
