She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
