Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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